Some thoughts

Thought 1 When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.

When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.

When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?


Thought 2

The average man's life consists of:

Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,



Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;

and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.


Thought 3

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand..



Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,

'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'


Thought 4

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the hell were you when I got married?

the 11th Husband

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........... God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"Your're with the "GOVERNMENT...This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."

I have to send my daughter to tuition, I have to fetch my son from taekwando

It took me 48 years to realise I am actually a hopeless romantic. Romantic because contrary to popular belief I did ask somebody to marry me. The hopeless part was where she decided not to marry me. That had since put me off any idea of proposing to another girl ever again. It is my belief that when she spoke, she had spoken for all womankind. There's no particular reason whatsoever to doubt her judgment on the matter.

On the benefit of hindsight, I must say that that must have been one of the weakest moments in my life. I still couldn't quite figure out why on earth I had contemplated trading a carefree and unattached life for that of a husband. And god forbid, limit myself to a single partner for life. Must be the romantic side of the Gemini.

To be fair in all of 52 years I had only been in love with three women. That works out to about one every one and a half decades. Not bad at all if I say so myself. Of course we shall not take into account that I was also in love with three different Miss Universes, all of them from Venezuela. We shall also not take into account actresses such as Traci Lords, Ginger Lynn and Maria Ozawa. And a little closer to home there was one known as Natt Chanapa

But I digress. Marriage is certainly not an institution to be taken lightly. Before one decides to be institutionalised one has to take into account whether one can pay for the running of the institution and the upkeep of the inmates that would surely follow very closely.

So I suppose the best thing the girl had ever done for me was to say "NO" and bring me to my senses. While one side of Gemini may have been a weakling and heart-broken for a while at the rejection, the other wasn't. But both sides of the Gemini character, however, gladly agree that having been rejected once, there is absolutely no necessity to have repeat performances even when the lead actress may change.

I must add that I have also discovered one downside to not being married. I will, for example, not be able to say, "Sorry I am late. Had to take my daughter to tuition class." Or "I had to pick up my son from taekwando practice." Things which other fathers may take for granted but which I may never be privileged to experience.

And to all those would-be match-makers out there who said I don't know what I am missing by not getting hitched, I would like to say that I have already come to a realisation. You mean the tuition class and taekwando practice, right?

Of course there was one embarrassing incident which happened several years ago while I was at the the launch of a trade fair. You know how it is when strangers make small talk. The question used to be, "Are you married?"

But this time there was a twist to it. This man who I had just met instead asked, "Are your children still studying or are they working now?" Goodness me, do I look domesticated?

Well, what can I say except, "Well, I am not sure. But I think the bastards must be working by now..."